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i am afraid

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  not the height, not the depth, not the ageing, not the weather; but I am afraid of me when I don't learn; not the sound, not the flashes, not the snakes, nor the insects;  but I am afraid that lessons will be wasted; not the fist nor its punch, not the people poking all the time; but I am afraid if I take same loss on and on; I am afraid that I will move on from my regrets I am afraid that I will be stuck at same level, Fixing myself over and over. I can't take the beatings which are repetitive I want to learn the lesson before the next event But I am afraid I keep on making same mistakes I don't want an eternal chain of regrets with same root I am afraid I don't make new mistakes as I am tangled with old ones I am afraid that  I don't give chances to life for new experiences and memories and hence I am afraid I would become the teller of the same story.

Ram vs Ram - chapter 5

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 Want to read from the start? Click here . ***  Ram and Kalyani reached the end of the road and stopped. Both of them should turn in opposite directions to reach their homes. Kalyani to the left. "It seems I am repeating, but anyways, want to say that, I like doing this. Spending time with you." Ram wanted to say something more but stopped himself. "Yeah. Same here." said Kalyani. "Well, okay.." "Yeah." "See you." "See you."  In few more hours the sun would rise and Ram would see her again. But he was thinking of watching sunrise by her side. Reluctantly, Ram turned to the right and started walking. But he could not take more steps. He wanted to ask her today. In fact he planned a whole talk. How he should propose. He was certain that she would accept it. Well, mostly.  Unable to resist, he stopped and turned back. Kalyani was still there - looking at him. "Oh, you are, uh, not walking?" "Yeah, seems you too...

Let the love go...

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You saw a great future with her. She was the best one you could ever meet. You two could be the best pair in the world. But at the end, things did not go as you expected. She is no longer with you. The situation could be anything. One-side love, in which you were too late to confess. Or an existing relationship - which was the most beautiful thing ever happened to you - but she called it off.  It was tough to let go when you got no one to blame. She was loving, caring. You did your best and were there for her. But things still ended bad. It feels very bad. It hurts a lot. You find difficult to focus on things. It's next to impossible that you move on. You try to express how you feel - but the words seem inadequate. You try to tell others - but you are not sure if they get it. Everytime her image comes to your mind, your breathe pauses. You wake from the sleep. It feels like it never ends. She becomes the biggest regret you ever have in your life. What-ifs haunt you. You blame yours...

Ram vs Ram - chapter 4

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Want to read from the start? Click here . ***  "What's happening here?" Ram asks Kalyani. She is in the middle of a make up session.  "Yeah, you're right. I also don't know what's happening here. I actually thought it will take less time" Kalyani answers while the makeup artist gives final touchings for her. "Common Kalyani - this is not a joke." "What happened?" Kalyani stops the makeup artist and looks at Ram. Ram takes her aside to a corner. "I know it doesn't make any sense. But please answer me. Are we getting married?" asks Ram. "Yes. What happened to you? Are you alright?" "I don't think I am. I am not understanding why we both are getting married." "I am sorry, what?" Kalyani shakes her head in confusion. "No, I am sorry, Kalyani. I know it may seem completely strange, but I honestly don't remember how I ended up to have a wedding with you. I don't know what is h...

Ram vs Ram - chapter 3

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Want to read from the start? Click here .  ***  Shiva's childhood was not a normal one. He was angry with society. Angry with the system. When he could not get treatment for his ailing mother just because he had no money, he wanted to hit the doctor - but he was stopped by the Bhai. No one knows the actual name of Bhai. He has never shared it with anyone, nor anyone has asked him. The fear he commands is very contrasting to the calm demeanor he possessed. He never gets angry - he remains absolutely still even if there was a chaos surrounding him. He is always dangerously calm. "Control the anger, kid", Bhai suggested young Shiva in the hospital. "Who are you to tell me? He denied treatment for my mother." Shiva was shaking with anger. "Oh is it? Well, that's wrong." Bhai took a deep breath. He asked some of his men to hold the doctor, and told the others to fetch his personal doctor for Shiva's mother's treatment. Without disturbing his rig...

finding love

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  I will be alone and old, the countdown is in breaths; And then I will meet her, on one of the hospital visits; I remember her meds,  She remembers mine; Holding hands becomes more than a romantic sign.   We don't run- we move; We don't hustle- we bloom.   We get tired quickly, We go to sleep early; We spend the holidays away by cuddling lovely.   I say 'I love you' many times, She kisses me many times, We remember to spread love, Before we no longer can.  Our time is limited- the chances are less; That's exactly why- We spend it more wise.  Our stories never end,  Our affection never fades; Isn't this better than love that fail?  

Oh my soul

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I live by flowing, I flow by leaving; I gain by losing, I lose by gaining. I sing to the ears of no being; I stop words in mid- To watch birds flying. I create and let go, for I own nothing; Oh my soul, may you swim in the sea of stars, may you swim,  in the sea of stars; go and go,  away from the noise; flow and flow,  towards the voice;  stay and rest,  it is your choice.