The Name

I used to know a person.

Don't ask me "who was it?", I couldn't say the name.

I wanted to talk, but I couldn't do it. 

I wanted to form a relation, but I couldn't. 

I wanted to get close, but I couldn't.

The more I think, the more uncomfortable it grew.

Don't ask me "why?", I couldn't say the reason.

Fear of getting rejected,

Fear of losing someone,

Fear of hurting others.

I decided to make a move, with trembling hands.

Don't ask me, "what happened?", have taken the number.

I did not know how to store the contact.

I could not remember the number.

I could not save the name.

Went on with the first message.

Don't ask me "how was it?", my heart stopped.

'Hi', I messaged. I could listen to my heartbeat.

'Hi', came the reply. I could still listen to it.

My brain was filled with loads of dopamine.

It continued for many days,

Don't ask me "how many days?", till my heart rate is normal.

It's been months and days and years.

I felt like a normal person.

Talking to another normal person.

I started to worry, asking questions.

Don't ask me "which questions?", there are many.

Can I really become a good friend?

Can I really become so close?

Can I and the person have the same taste?

Then I thought more, observing myself.

Don't ask me "what's next?", it became normal.

I understood I was not the exact match.

I decided to move on.

It was one of the toughest decisions. Had to take it.

Did I forget the person? No.

Don't ask me "how are you?", I am good.

I wanted to talk, I talked.

I wanted to make memories, I had.

I wanted to share myself, and I did.

There was a change finally.

No more skipping of heartbeats.

No more fear of what to share.

Don't ask, "can you tell the name?", I can never.

But you know who that is - it's you.