The Conversation - 7

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He saw Apoorva for the first time during college. One day, when he entered his class, instead of no one, this girl was sitting on the last but one bench, resting her head on the hands crossed on the desk. He thought that she was sleeping, but she woke up as he walked towards his desk. The sunlight from the window filtered through her hair as she adjusted it before falling on him. Her eyes looked tired, which concerned him and made him talk to her.

"Hi, are you okay? You look tired."

"Hi, yeah I am fine. Thank you."

"My name is Rohan."

"Apoorva."

Their journey started with Rohan helping Apoorva catch up syllabus in the college and had developed to both working in the same city so they could meet frequently. As their friendship flourished, Rohan began to have a feeling of something more than just a friendship. He was always better when Apoorva was around. Better organized, better disciplined and better focused. He thought that he would be the best support for her. He wanted to be on her side till his last breath. But somehow he was not confident about what Apoorva was feeling. Even though he didn't want to accept, Apoorva's affection seemed just like that of a best friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. Something felt off when he thought of proposing to Apoorva.

He realized that if he were to propose to her, there would be a great risk of rejection. But he continued to hope for a day when he would wake up to see her beautiful face in a sleepy mood. When he thought of her proposing to him, he decided to accept it without a second thought. The possibility that she wasn't thinking what he was thinking, hurt him a bit. So he stopped thinking of such a scenario.

Once he decided that he would be the first one to confess, he had been waiting for the right moment, and then on that night when they went out...

"What are you thinking bro?", Rohan was taken aback when Abha had to pull him out of his thoughts.

"Hi, yeah, err... nothing."

Abha gave him a suspicious look. "Fine. So you are thinking about the thing you want to share with me. Aren't you?"

"Yes, correct sis."

"Okay. In that case, I don't wanna question you further." Abha continued.

"But I'd like to drink something. My head is burning. What do you want?" She took the menu from the table and started going through the pages.

Rohan smiled. "I have already ordered. You are late."

"Oh, thanks, bro! By the way, I am not late. You are early. There's a difference. So, what did you order for yourself?"

The waiter arrived and put a cup of tea in front of each.

"Cardamom tea, sir"

"Thanks."

"You also ordered the same bro?"

"Yeah, sis."

Abha's face brightened. "Ahh! After many months!"

"Today I just want to go with your favorite," Rohan said with a neutral voice, trying to smile.

"Yeah, I am here. Tell me, bro, what's the thing you want to share?"

"It's about Apoorva."

She heard the name after a long time. "Apoorva? What happened?"

"Did you remember the evening I called when she handed over the wedding invitation?" Abha nodded.

"Well, that was not the first time I had a breakdown." Rohan took a deep sigh.

        Apoorva took Rohan out for a surprise treat one evening. She ordered a cake and brought it in front of Rohan with a candle lit on it.

"Can you please answer what's happening here?" Rohan asked with a confused look.

"This treat is for you, Rohan."

"What?"

"Technically, I answered your question. So first blow off the candle."

Rohan followed her suggestion and took a piece of cake only to realize how good it was. Apoorva smiled at him as he lost himself enjoying the cake. After a few minutes, Apoorva broke the silence.

"Back when I joined the college, my family's position was the worst." Rohan stopped eating and looked at her. She didn't talk much about her family during all these years. Only one can know one's secrets.

"My father was a great guy, only when situations favoured him. Even if there was a small trigger, he used to go wild. He would scold and even beat us sometimes. My mother decided not to bear him anymore by the time I managed to pursue higher studies.

When I started attending college, it was very difficult with my mother beginning to manage the family alone. Without your help, I would not have managed my studies at the college. If I am financially settled, a big thanks should go to you." She concluded.

Rohan became uncomfortable. "I think, you overstated a bit, didn't you?"

Apoorva broke into a laugh for a few seconds.

"It's actually my mother, who asked to do this. She told me you played an important role in my life for the past few years, and that I owe you."

"You know that's not exactly right."

Rohan always felt the entry of Apoorva into his life had changed him for good. He realized the value of being light, giving effort, getting close to someone, letting go of fear and many others. He would say that she changed him almost a fifty per cent. 

"Yeah, but anyways, it's my mom, and I can't deny her."

Rohan nodded. "But yeah, the cake is so nice... So, thanks to your mother!" 

After a few more minutes, Apoorva started to speak again. "Well, I said that I am doing this for my mom. But that's not just it, and I wasn't just kidding when I said you played an important role in my life. You really stood with me when no one wanted to. You are the best friend I can ever have."

"You're absolutely welcome. Well, as the situation has come, I should also thank you. You have no idea how much influence you have over my life and thoughts. I, uh.." He immediately stopped saying further. His brain was asking him to do that thing.

"Actually, I also want to say that our friendship, should remain forever."

Well, she kinda repeated it, right? Why's that? His inner self kicked in sensing something wrong, while Apoorva continued.

"I have been thinking of this lately, Rohan. Soon, when I talk to any potential bride-groom, I will make sure to tell him about you and I will marry the person who is okay with us continuing our friendship. I observed many cases where the friendship with the boys will end once a girl is married."

What does that mean?

"Wait, so, you're talking about 'potential bride-grooms'?" said Rohan as if he were excited.

Apoorva smiled. "Yeah. I told my mom that she could find a groom. Actually, I am a little excited but also afraid. We suffered enough with our father. I don't want my kids to have the same fate."

Hold her hands and tell the truth!!

Rohan put his hands into his trouser pockets. "No need to be afraid, Apoorva. There are actually better men who exist out there, for someone special like you." His heart started skipping beats.

"Thanks for giving me the hope."

Don't hold it up, man!

Rohan got a call, which he picked up quickly and spoke in front of her.

"Hello!"

"Ohh! Is it?" 

"Okay, I will be online in a half-an-hour."

He put his phone in his pocket.

"I'm so sorry, my poor boss badly requires me. Think I've to leave." He got up.

No, don't leave!!

"Ohh", Apoorva's face became a little dull. 

With a smile, Rohan said "Hey... I heard you. Just believe me when I say, you will find a very good guy. It's just a matter of time. Well, my boss is acting as if he were dying today, so I have to go." 

Apoorva laughed. "Yeah, sure. Take care."

"You too."

Just confess it!! STAY THERE!!!

His eyes were already becoming moist by the time he walked a few steps away from her. After he went outside, he started walking nowhere and took the mobile out of his pocket.

"Thanks for staying on the line, sis" Abha was the one who called.

"Where are you, bro? Did I disturb you?"

"No, actually you helped me. On time." He was trying hard to sound normal.

"What happened bro? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, everything is fine, sis. Tell me, why did you call?"

"Yeah, right, to tell a good news. I have been selected for the conference!!" Abha's voice beamed.

"Wow, that's great!"

"Yeah, I have to start tomorrow. It's a week-long programme. A lot of experts from all over the world will attend." He could feel the excitement in her voice.

"Wow! I wish you all the best! You deserve it!" 

"Thank you very much!!"

After a few exchanges, the call was cut, upon which he lost all the energy he had pretended to have. His steps were not clear, and so was his mind. He booked a cab to his room.

        Abha didn't speak anything for a few minutes. She completed her tea and watched Rohan silently as he finished his cup. Abha said, "I remember that call, where you said everything was fine. Except that it wasn't. Now I get why you sounded differently on that evening." 

Her face now turned a bit furious. "You just decided not to share this with me all this while...?"

"No, It wasn't my intention.", Rohan continued.

"I have been used to dumping things on you. But when I needed you the most to share the most important event of my life, you were not available. I know that a day will eventually come when I say everything to you, and then I break down safely in your hands. Till then, I just wanted to go through it." 

"But it was easier said than done, sis. The initial days were so conflicting", said Rohan smiling.

"I had always made it the top priority to attend her marriage if I couldn't be with her. Because mostly that could be my last memory of hers. After that night, I was shaking at the thought of her marriage. I couldn't imagine myself standing in front of her while someone was tying the sacred knots. Felt like the whole world was stopping."

"I was a guy who used to get excited to read her messages, hear her voice, and watch her smile at my jokes. But any memory from her started to remind the inevitable reality that was preparing to hit me. It was a very huge effort to not show any change in my behaviour. I hoped she could talk very little with me, but at the same time I wanted to make the most memories of the available time."

"My heart begged me to share the pain. But very few people knew about this and I did not want to disturb them."

"She was the person who changed almost half of me. But I ..." His voice was becoming more shaky. He stopped to take a few breaths.

"I wish I were there for you," Abha replied, patting his hands. Rohan nodded with a smile.

"How did you deal with this?"

"I had become as busy as possible at the office. Made multiple commitments even beyond my capacity. But, randomly, when I wasn't thinking of anything for a second, that night used to appear in front of me, triggering a massive breakdown. But I pushed it down the throat and continued with the task at hand. When I met her, felt as if I would collapse at any point in time. At night, even when I was alone, I couldn't cry. I was just trying to ignore it, thinking that the time would eventually sort the things."

"You had been escaping, bro."

"Yeah, exactly. Because I was being afraid. Of losing her; forgetting her; letting her go. She was one of the very few nice, kind-hearted people I ever knew. I just kept on thinking of a possibility..."

"A possibility of?"

Rohan smiled. "We being together."

"But you knew..."

"Yeah. I thought of talking to her mother instead. All I wanted was some confirmation from Apoorva that she could see me as a potential partner, even if she expressed it indirectly, with the tiniest possibility. Even though it was hurting me, I pushed her a few times to talk about her views on relations and searched through her answers. But that went in vain. When I realized that there was no chance for hope, I became numb."

"At that point in time, I only had two options. One was to confess everything to her and request her to have distance between us as it was becoming more painful with every passing day for me. The other option was to be with her till she was married off and fulfil my promise that I would be her friend whatever might happen. Both options were tough for me. But the first option would be tough for her as well."

"All this while, it had been my doing sis. I had developed feelings for her, for which she neither agreed nor was aware. I did not propose fearing that our friendship would be damaged, but I did not keep myself in check even though my intuition had been saying that this might not end well. She had been seeing me as a friend since the first day, and she remained as the one. If she came to know all these, it would be another relationship that went wrong for her. I did not want to punish her for something she had zero knowledge of."

"Finally, I made the call. I wanted this to be buried with me. I just continued to be what she thought of me - the best friend forever. I had been managing it better, except for that day when she finally came to know." Rohan stopped.

"Hey.. on that day, you did not say to her. She heard it. There's a difference." 

"But, even later.."

"See, what you have dealt with is something very massive. All this pain you had been carrying, it was meant to be bounced back on one day. It's completely normal."

Both sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Sis, can I come to your home today? Not feeling like going to mine."

"Yeah, sure bro." 

Abha started her car while he sat in the seat beside her, looking through the window. Throughout the journey to her home, Rohan did not speak anything. She did not ask him anything either. After thirty minutes, they finally reached the room. Rohan immediately settled on the sofa upon entering.

"Just try to freshen up. Will get us another cup of tea. Okay?" Rohan nodded. Abha smiled at him and ran her fingers through his hair before walking towards the kitchen.

When she came back with a tray of two cups of tea, Rohan's head was resting on his arms crossed on his knees. His body was slightly moving.

"Rohan?" Abha kept the tray on the nearby table. She was hearing a soft voice from him as she approached him.

"Oh no.." she went towards him and lifted his head, only to see his eyes red and gasping to catch his breath.

"I... could... not... sis..." Rohan embraced Abha.

"It's okay, bro... I am here, right? I am with you. It's going to be fine..." Abha's eyes were teared up as she rubbed his back with her hands as he broke down.

**End of Part 7**

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